The Diary of Crystal Renee'

Written By C. Renee’ (September 8, 2004)
Copyright 2005: Sirius Peace of CrySTYLE

Day 1:
I’m putting myself on paper instead of on the run
Thought I was having fun, must have been undone
I feel like a snowman melting in the sun
It’s hard for me to explain, my life is full of shame
If you ask me who I am, I can’t tell you my name
So what’s my claim to fame, I’m dealing with so much pain
I know before I can have sunshine, I must appreciate the rain
What do I have to gain when I’m nearly going insane?
Though I try not to, I manage to somehow complain
My life is a hurricane with 140 mph winds
I thought I had friends in whom I could depend
Guess they were playing pretend cause those days have come to an end
I could tell because many nights crying in my pillow I would spend
Is there anyone genuine or is everyone just fake?
I don’t know how many times my heart can continue to break
There is only so much a girl can take or am I making a mistake
I had many a dream; I could go down the list
I had a knife in my right hand cutting my left wrist
Thank God that didn’t exist; I’d probably be in the office of some psychologist
Why are my days hard and full of despair?
I know life isn’t fair but I wish at least one person would care
I declare, I’d rather be elsewhere at least so my heart can repair
I know the thoughts in my head are so fiery
But this is just the first entry of my diary
Day 2:
This is entry two and my day is the darkest of blue
I feel like tissue on the bottom of life’s shoe
Everyday is an issue, more mess to get through
I try to sneeze the pain out, "Achoo"…can a sista get a bless you?
These are the things I go through, locked up like an animal at the zoo
Cause everyday I’m by myself checking messages on AOL or yahoo
What am I to do, I’m usually by myself
Can anybody hear me, I’m crying out for help
I have nothing left; I’m here to myself
Seems like I’m like a book that’s been forgotten on the shelf
I can’t call my mama, don’t wanna start drama
Because just when I try to put a period, someone makes a comma
I’m trying my best; I know I’m too blessed to be stressed
But I know that right now I’m flunking the ultimate test
My mind gets no rest; just getting one positive thought is a quest
It’s hard to digest; I’m like an egg abandoned in a nest
Can’t believe these words are coming out of my head
Guess it comes from many days and nights being lonely and tears being shed
Must have been brain dead or mislead because just when I thought I knew what love was, my heart would shred
I lay in the bed staring at the ceiling, waiting on my healing
Wondering what this is I’m feeling; what is my mind revealing?
I’m dealing with putting myself behind a brick wall
So sure that if I came from behind, I’d be Humpty Dumpty and fall
Who can I call? No one it seems
When will the nightmares stop so that I can dream?
My voice wants to scream; my thoughts are too extreme
But I remember I must put my faith in the God who reigns supreme
The God with the number one team; the God who told me to believe in what has yet to be seen
I must raise my self-esteem and then I won’t be so fiery
This is my second and last entry of my diary.